hotel room ftw
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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