found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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