like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How does one acquire holy water?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
