You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
