Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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