I faked an abortion last night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
