Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
