god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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