Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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