Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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