I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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