I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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