I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
