All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
