Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
