Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
