Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Actions speak louder than pants.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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