you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
