you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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