Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize