Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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