Buhtt sex?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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