just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
