Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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