Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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