seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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