I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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