turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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