Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
