It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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