I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
