Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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