I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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