Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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