weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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