It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize