You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
