when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
