So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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