Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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