Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
