she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
