i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Actions speak louder than pants.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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