you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
