Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
