I heard we made out
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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