I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
