your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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