Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
