my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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