Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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