and i looked up. we had an audience...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
