I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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