Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
