Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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