Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
