Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
