worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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