We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
