She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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