accomplished twins. life is a go
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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