fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize