I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
