I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
