yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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