Cold hands, warm shart.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
