i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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