just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
