I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
